Careening Down

  I found this in my kitchen drawer this morning. It’s a lemon zester. I don’t think I have ever zested a lemon. I’m not sure what possessed me to purchase a lemon zester…I’ve never been into cooking. I am so glad I bought it though.    Because, about 22 years ago, this lemon zester went everywhere with us. When my oldest son was two years old, he was very imaginative, very spirited, and very much wanting to be like a grown-up. He wanted to use tools and fix things. This kid was always a little too smart for my own good though and he recognized the difference between a real tool and a toy. Little, brightly colored, hollow plastic hammers and screwdrivers were not cutting it for him. We tried some that looked real- they had plastic wood grain handles, and gray metallic looking blades and heads. Even those weren’t convincing him. He wanted a real tool to use. So I found the lemon zester, still shiny new (maybe even in the package?!) and I gave it to him. There w...

It's summer time!  An easy time to be thankful! Also a crazy time with no real routine and lots of excitement going on and a few meltdowns here and there. And life, life, life humming along with its ups and downs and gifts and blessings and challenges and struggles....  Here are my mid-June tomorrow is the official start of summer thankfuls.... Thankful for our beautiful trip to St. Louis to visit family and friends there- Beauty in Art- the Chihuly Exhibit at the Botanical Gardens We saw so many new animals there! An axolotl. Beauty in God's amazing creatures.   Beauty in the simple things- my kids catching lightning bugs for the 1st time ever. We don't get them where we live. Beauty in nature    Beauty in family time! Thankful for childhood summer joys-- Thankful for the amazing fun of church camps- for little ones and not quite so little ones-- Thankful for sports my kids enjoy-- So much more to appreciate in this world and in my life...but time is short and ...

It is May!  So "May" at our house- so much going on in life right now.... but that means so much to be thankful for too: Thankful for May: May is Foster Care Awareness Month- an issue near and dear to me  because I fostered 30 children, adopting my youngest son from the foster care syste m May is Mental Health Awareness Month- a cause I am very personally affected by :( May is the month dedicated to Our Blessed Mother in the Catholic Church- I have a strong devotion and connection to the Blessed Virgin Mary- for a million reasons and they all come to one- she leads us closer to her son, our Savior. Thankful for: my home We have lived in the same modest, little house for 22 years. Lately, I've been buying some new old things-- antique and vintage furniture--I've been making some small updates around the house too, to make it more functional, more fun, more "me".... My daughter bought this antique student desk for me...I don't even have it yet but I know i...

I MEANT for this blog to be a place where I shared my recovery story. Recovery continues to be elusive.  I AM making progress in some respects, but it is very slow going and, much of what I share here, ends up being my own processing and an attempt to increase understanding of mental health issues and, specifically anorexia (which IS fitting this month, as it is Mental Health Awareness Month in May). Sometimes it is both at once - my own processing in an attempt to help ME understand my own mental health issues and my own mindset concerning my eating disorder.  Anyway--- Years ago I used to follow a blog that has since ceased being updated. 😢  I hate it when that happens...but life...it DOES have a way of moving forward and sometimes blogging is just for a season.  Nevertheless, I loved this blog and was often inspired by it.  Since, I originally hoped my little space in the blog-o-sphere here would also be a place of inspiration....and since I know it is most...

I used to love this song:   I heard it yesterday and realized my perspective had changed....   In treatment, they called eating disorders "ED." They talk about the disorder as though it is a separate person living in the brain of those afflicted. That is an incredibly accurate description.  So...when I listened to this song I recognized ED's voice loudly and clearly. Imagine this song playing in a loop in your head all day long...but usually with a role reversal (though it DOES work both ways)... How do [you] get through one night without [me] If [you] had to live without [me] What kinda life would that be Oh you, you need [me] in [your life], need [me] to hold [I'm your] world, [your] heart, [your] soul If [I] ever leave Well, baby [I] would take away everything Good in [your] life And tell me now How do [you] live without [me]? I want to know How do [you] breathe without [me]? If [I] ever go How do [you] ever, ever survive How do [you], how do [you...

Exactly 6 years ago today we became a foster home. We found out we were licensed and ready via phone call at about 3 pm that day. We were approved and licensed to take in one child. At about 6 pm, we got a call for a sibling set of 2 childre n. By 9 pm, we had our first placements in our home- before we even had the paperwork in hand that said we were official. The children were a 2 year old little boy (the children had been removed from their home on his 2nd birthday) and his 11 month old baby sister. From that first moment in our arms, those 2 babies turned our lives upside down in the most chaotic, insane, tumultuous ways. We truly did not know before then that lives could be so traumatic. We did not know sin could run so deep in a family. We did not know babies could be so utterly and completely impacted and hurt and broken by the mistakes and shortcomings of their parents. We would learn- the hard way- the effects of early childhood trauma. Over the next 4 1/2 years (and longer)...

  March 17 is, of course, St. Patrick’s Day! The day we celebrate St. Patrick and Ireland and all things green. We decorate with shamrocks and (hopefully) remember the Trinity… And in my family….we rejoice in the gift of my Grandmother. She was born on St. Patrick’s Day 101 years ago. She died 5 years ago, just shy of her 96 th birthday.   But that only makes her birthday that much more of a memorial for me. I was born into a family of 4 children, all of us within 5 years of each other in age. My parents were super young and super poor when they welcomed us into their lives. My mom was busy, busy, busy keeping up with 4 young children and caring for our home. My dad was building his career. No one had a lot of time or energy to pour into one overly sensitive, very emotional, insecure little girl who was plagued with anxiety and insomnia, even as a small child. No one….except my Grandma. My Grandma was the one person who truly accepted me for who I was. And, she not only...