Careening Down

I MEANT for this blog to be a place where I shared my recovery story. Recovery continues to be elusive.  I AM making progress in some respects, but it is very slow going and, much of what I share here, ends up being my own processing and an attempt to increase understanding of mental health issues and, specifically anorexia (which IS fitting this month, as it is Mental Health Awareness Month in May). Sometimes it is both at once - my own processing in an attempt to help ME understand my own mental health issues and my own mindset concerning my eating disorder.  Anyway--- Years ago I used to follow a blog that has since ceased being updated. 😢  I hate it when that happens...but life...it DOES have a way of moving forward and sometimes blogging is just for a season.  Nevertheless, I loved this blog and was often inspired by it.  Since, I originally hoped my little space in the blog-o-sphere here would also be a place of inspiration....and since I know it is most...

The following are excerpts from my journal that were written at my lowest points...I promise, after this, I will try to share some more positive posts that point towards progress and recovery and healing. But it IS a journey and to truly appreciate it, I think it is important to share where I've been... 12-5-22 "I thought if there was less of me people might see me better- see that I am struggling, miserable, tired, needy, lonely, depressed, despairing...maybe someone would help? Or care?  No one sees." 12-11-22 "Very, very rough day. My weight scared me. My recent weakness scared me. I decided I really, really did need to allow myself to eat more...I felt ok [about the amount of food]. Then, I shared with my husband some of my thoughts and he made me feel like I'd eaten plenty, maybe too much. We both lost it with fighting for the next hour. I exercised 4 hours and 40 minutes today...only slept 5 hours last night." 12-15-22 "I dropped a 5 lb weight on ...