Lots of Awareness

National Foster Care Awareness Month just ended. So did National Mental Health Awareness Month. And yesterday was National Eating Disorder Action Day. 

Honestly, I have no idea what any of those things are really about.... I mean, how does it help anyone for the nation to acknowledge that foster care exists? Was anyone's mental health improved in May because the month was set aside to focus on it? What exactly is the "action" we're hoping for in response to eating disorders?

It all seems a little silly and meaningless to me...except that those three things ARE what sort of define my existence and make me question my life's meaning. I wrestle with the effects of fostering, mental health struggles and the reality of my eating disorder every day of every month.

In fact, those three (somewhat unrelated) issues are the three things that, braided together, create my experience of life. 

Though it has been nearly 5 years since we closed our home to new foster placements, foster care forever changed my family, my life, and my perspective on the world. The greatest effect of the system on my life is my youngest son, whom we adopted after fostering for 3 years. I am honored and grateful for the blessing of my little guy- he is a light and joy. We adore him but trauma parenting is indescribably hard and isolating. 

It wrecks me daily.

Maybe in part because my mental health has never been super stable. I have suffered from depression & anxiety my entire life. Now, raising a child-from-a-hard-place has introduced other mental health diagnoses to the party that is my daily life: ADHD, PTSD, ODD.

And then there is "eating disorder action." The most prevailing eating disorder actions that I face are excessive exercise and extreme food fears. I can't escape them. I've learned to live with "ED" and all "his" effects- exhaustion, mood swings, increased anxiety, semi-starvation, brittle bones, etc.... I can barely remember a life a part from them.

So, I guess this post is my contribution to all the "awareness events" of recent weeks. There is a whole lot to be aware of and I guess I'm happy to share my experiences. I'm still not sure how anyone's awareness helps me fight my daily battles but I do appreciate you reading and letting me share my struggles.

Photo- my 2 oldest daughters kissing their "baby" brother. Love is ALWAYS the greatest thing to be "aware" of.

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